That Italy Story with the Shaver...

A long time ago, in a country far far away...

One time, we went to Italy. Lots of crazy things happened, which has made it tough to write about. There’s simply too much material.

But I, Katie, figure an embarrassing story is always a good place to start.

Let me set the scene. Italy, 2011, the city of Rapallo which sets its port near Margherita and Portofino... It’s the dream vacation.

Now picture a very small bathroom in a lovely villa at the top of a nearby mountain. The shower is barely big enough to fit in, let alone maneuver without putting your life in danger.

There are also no shelves in said mini-shower, so essentially you have to hold everything, shampoo, conditioner, soap, shaver...

In the typically graceful and poised action of shaving, I slipped. I caught myself and managed to not die and was especially relieved as the shaver had nearly sliced my lip. I laughed at the story that would have made.

As I finished up, I noticed my chin did feel a little funny, but thought nothing of it. Being basically blind without contacts, I went out to the living room where my siblings sat and I began to laugh about how I nearly died in the shower. They all gaped at me before laughing hysterically.

Thus, it came to pass that the very first text we sent home upon our arrival in Italy was a short and simple message...

Arrived safe and sound and Katie cut her chin shaving her armpits.

- Katie

Feral Awards

This story begins with outrage. Specifically, outrage of the Sisters Kohrs over some of the Oscar results. Last weekend, we, along with most of the country, watched the Oscars, where feely and obscure movies always seem to land themselves in the spotlight, which, frankly, we’ve always been a little bitter about. But we’re working through it. With a few more years of counseling we may get over it. So, in our ranting about the unfairness of life, we decided to construct our own version of the Oscars.

For those of you who like the sort of movies that won at the Oscars, good for you. The following blog post will likely offend you, but then again, you got the Oscars, so we think you’ll be ok.

Katie’s Choice

Best Actress: Teresa Palmer in Warm Bodies

    Basically because she’s not annoying, which is impressive for an action movie’s leading lady/love interest. Just saying.

Best Actor/Best Villain: Benedict Cumberbatch in Star Trek Into Darkness

    Why is the Cumberpatch the best actor, let me see... Fantastic hair, voice, eyes, posture... Plus his acting isn’t half bad either.

And now we come to it, Katie’s choice for Best Picture is....

Let the dramatic pause happen. Just let it happen.

Ok, ok, ok, before you write me off, here are my reasons. I put a lot of thought into this, like at least a straight minute of dedicated thinking.

My top three were Star Trek Into Darkness, Ender’s Game and Warm Bodies. I loved all of them, but I still picked Warm Bodies, and here’s why.

The story, basically Romeo and Juliet with zombies, is interesting and weird in a great way. Teresa Palmer and Nicholas Hoult do a great job, plus the soundtrack is essentially perfect. And then there’s the rewatchability of it.

Usually when I go to a movie, if I like it the first time, I keep thinking about how great it was and talking it up. So then when I see it a second time, I am surprised by how much I don’t love it as much as I did the first time.

Kara and I forced it upon several different groups with varying results, but every time, I still loved it just as much or more. Star Trek and Ender, I remember loving, but I never have gotten that excited feeling that I want to see them again.  

So there you have it, Warm Bodies is my pick for best picture.

Kara’s Choice

Biggest Laugh: The Lone Ranger

I don’t understand why this movie gets so much hate. I thought it was amazing. There was a horse galloping on top of a train while the lone ranger theme was playing on repeat, how is that not awesome?

Best Actress: Jena Malone in the Hunger Games Catching Fire. I don’t remember liking Johanna in the book but in the movie she was so funny.

Best Actor: Benedict Cumberbatch. He was great in Star Trek. He was terrifying in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Where to start with Sherlock…

And because I have trouble making decisions and I want to stall, here are some of the movies that I really liked and feel should be mentioned.

Star Trek Into Darkness

Ender’s Game

Catching Fire

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Warm Bodies

Oh no, decision time...drama...confusion...inner turmoil...Katie yelling at me to not overthink this, it’s not like we’re giving out real awards...nearing a decision… and my pick for best picture is...

Star Trek Into Darkness!

Cause it’s awesome.

To finish up, we’ve compiled a few other awards and movies that deserve mentioning.

Most Generally Beautiful Movie: The Great Gatsby

Best special effects: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

    He is fire... he is death... and he is beautiful...

Most/Least Surprising Disappointment: Man of Steel

Most Coldestest - Frozen

Best Side-Character Hair: Ewan Mcgregor in Jack the Giant Slayer

Least Like the Book: Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

Hopefully the Book was Better than the Movie: The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

Most Cheesiest Romantic Comedy - Austenland

Most Simultaneously Terrible and Awesome - The Host

And there you have it, the Feral Oscars. Obviously, we weren’t able to see every good movie that came out this year, so please, tell us what we missed and who you think should have gotten an Oscar who didn’t.

Also, thank you to IMDB.com for being the source to a lot of the random information we had to look up for this post. Your infinite knowledge proves once again to be invaluable to our short memories. 

- Sisters Kohrs