Alien vs Orca

“Oh, Matthew, my love!”

Five pairs of eyes were fixed on the TV set, four of them beginning to well with tears. Juan, dressed in a peach sweater vest, sat straight in a lazy boy next to Griet’s old plaid couch that held Griet, Shawn and Aaron all in it’s plushy hold. Griet, with her blonde hair mashed up into a bun, was curled up on one side of the couch, nibbling her nails as the blanket she was clinging to was being slowly stolen by Shawn, inch by inch, unbeknownst to her. Aaron was next to him, his normally smirking face now serious and set on the TV, undistractable. And lastly, Han sat in a second lazy boy opposite Juan’s. Han’s hair was carefully crafted to appear messy and he sat, or rather sprawled, across the lazy boy, a happy smile plastered across his face.

“That’ll never last.” Griet broke the silence with a snorting laugh. “He’ll probably die next season.”

Glares assaulted her from every direction. Griet shrunk into her blanket, looking around quickly. “What? What’d I say?”

“No Alien marathon this year, guys. This year is going to be all about … Orcas!” Connor announced with pride, holding up a pair of documentaries as he burst into Griet’s apartment. 

The group looked up from their trance like state of watching Downton Abbey and blinked away the threatening tears.

“No messing with long established traditions! Everyone knows that February 14th is the day we take a moment to celebrate monsters exploding out of peoples’ chests in a shower of blood,” Juan protested.

“Has anyone thought about the fact that maybe that shouldn’t be a tradition?” Aaron asked, looking around the room with a grin. Juan gave him a dirty look. Connor ran a hand through his long mangy hair.

“Did you know how cruel it is that orcas are kept in captivity? One in every...”

“Connor, you know you’re not supposed to watch documentaries. They make you cry too much. It’s uncomfortable for everyone involved,” Griet put in.

“Griet’s right, it’s far more fun to watch you cry during Aliens,” Aaron agreed.

“That was one time,” Connor started, but Juan interrupted.

“Tradition is tradition, we have to stick with the Alien movies, no question.”

“I think it’d be fun to change things up,” Han said.

“You think what?” Juan asked in a low voice, leaning forward in his chair.

“I’ve always thought that it should be a day honoring the great love between Han Solo and Princess Leia.”

Juan turned on Han, wild eyed and wielding an accusing finger. “Star Wars already has May the Fourth, you do not get another day and frankly your opinion is not wanted here, sir!”

“I think he might have watched too much BBC...” Griet whispered to Shawn. He gave a solemn nod.

Han leapt to his feet and whipped out a plastic lightsaber. “You take that back!”

Griet stared at him, wide eyed. “You just have one of those on you?”

“You tell him what’s what, Juan!” Aaron called encouragement from the couch. “Star Trek has no place on such a great holiday.”

Han turned on Aaron and held the lightsaber to his throat. “You suck.”

“We could always just leave it as Valentine’s Day, you know, celebrate with chocolate and stuff,” Griet said, voice fading as Connor gave her a condescending look.

“Oh, sweet Griet. Just, don’t talk, okay?”

Griet threw up her hands. “For the last time, that whole “Sweet Griet” thing is never going to catch on-” She went into a stunned silence as Connor put out his hand to shush her and continued his rant.

“These beautiful creatures are being mercilessly tortured, how can you guys not want to see that?” Connor paused. “Wait, that came out wrong...”

“How about international Peach Day?” Shawn asked.

“Peaches?” Juan looked at Shawn in disbelief. “Does no one respect tradition anymore?”

“Guys, come on, lets just eat chocolate and make fun of a romantic comedy like normal people. Alien sounds completely over rated anyway,” Griet said.

All eyes in the room turned to her.

“Wait.” Aaron shook his head in disbelief. “You... You haven’t seen Alien...?”

Griet shrugged, oblivious to the deep silence that had come over the room. “No, but I’ve heard it basically invented scary, which, you know,” she laughed, “is completely ridiculous.” Her laugh faded as no one joined in, everyone staring at her. Connor threw the documentaries over his shoulder and grabbed the Alien case.

“That's it. We’re watching Alien.”